Monday, August 20, 2012

More Reflections

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?"
Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

Paraphrasing from a sermon I heard a while ago: "Loving God is paramount in our Christian walk, but no human is capable of loving that much, that devotedly, indefinitely - but this is why God grants what he also commands..."

How long has it been since I felt an overwhelming adoration for God that lasted more than an hour?  How long since I considered each step in light of His holiness and mercy, since each moment showed me further proof of His love and protection?

I live my life, worrying over my worries, stressing over what I can't change, immersing into my hobbies, or filling my spare time with amusing characters - real and fictional alike.  I go to church, I feel the impact of the lesson; I don't dismiss it, I'm grateful for it, joyful when I leave, but the fire, the courage...

I remember in college so many of us had that drive, that energy, that openly vibrant zeal for the God of the universe.  At first, I reacted with admiration, and a dash of envy.  After a few years, it turned into cynicism.  "They'll outgrow that really quick," I'd think, "when they get a taste of real life."

It's like when the infatuation stage ends in a relationship.  The "newlywed syndrome," I've heard it called.  The love isn't gone (or one hopes it's not), it just isn't so encompassing.  It's a calmer thing; you don't think about it ALL THE TIME anymore.  You're now capable of having a real fight, getting angry, so angry you want to leave, but you don't because you love.

You're also capable of seeing the truth, not what your rose-colored mental filter showed you for a long while.  You're allowed to be frustrated, disappointed, but you work through these things because you love.

Love doesn't disappear.  Love isn't the butterflies and the hyper-awareness and the hinging of your life on the happiness of another person.  Love is a damned hard struggle, but worth it in the end.

Is this what loving God is, too?  Is this the natural progression a person goes through?  Or is there something more to it?  I feel like there should be, and that I don't have it.

That thought depresses and frustrates me.  But then I go on with my life, addressing the responsibilities given to me, and I forget my thirst for a little while, dull the ache that I know will come back in quieter moments, and make me wish I hadn't turned out the way I have.


  1. Have you ever watched your husband as he slept, thinking "Thank you God. I am so lucky"? Or watch him do something funny/stupid/sweet, and smile and think, "Man! I love you"? I think that loving God is similar. You have your fights, and your BIG LOVING moments, but loving God, really loving God, isn't about those awesome BIG moments, but it is about loving him in the little things, like looking at a friend and wondering how you ever got so lucky. God wants us to be there for those GREAT moments, but what he calls us to is something even harder. He calls us to be with Him in the little things. Everything we do, we are to do it for Him. EVERYTHING.... That is what the girls and I are doing in our small group right now. We are trying to remember God in the everyday. That is how you get close to your husband, right? You spend time. You tell him about your day, and ask about his. It is not a perfect analogy, but it is what I have. College was its own experience. It is not REAL LIFE :) But God is. God is REAL LIFE, and he doesn't call you to have a mountain top experience every day. He just wants you to want Him.