Friday, August 24, 2012

Attempting to Be Motivated

I see myself following a pattern right now, a pattern I fell into during college that resulted in me blimping out to 220 lbs.  That result in unacceptable.  Even 180 lbs in unacceptable, and I've passed that.

What is this pattern?  It's the consumption pattern.  The establishment of food and (now that I'm over 21) alcohol as the go-to substance to help me relax or feel better or kill time.

Not acceptable.

And yet I'm following it anyway.  Why are these things so hard to break?!  One minute, I look in the mirror and think, "I look fine.  Mike says I'm pretty, and guess what, I feel pretty.  I'm doing dandy."  The next minute, I look in the mirror and see a swollen belly, flabby arms, and thick calves reaching down to cankles.  "F**K," I say to myself, "something must be done!  This is terrible!"

So I go on a restricted-eating-workout-binge commitment that lasts, what, a week, tops?  Then I'm right back to the refrigerator looking for something tasty to eat during a movie because that's just what I do.

I'm so irritated at myself I CAN'T STAND IT!!!



You done?

Yeah, I think so.


  1. For me the battle begins in the grocery store. I am constantly putting food in the basket. What I have to do is walk around the store for awhile and talk myself into putting it back, rather than going and checking out right away. That helps, but it doesn't solve the problem of my man bringing home yummy food.... Also, I am thinking of strangling you... You are gorgeous. I am 5'3" and 230 lbs. I have joined Curves though (I really like it) and am trying to eat better. You are not alone, and I love you lots.

    1. Thanks, honey. :)
      I'm not too bad about the grocery store thing. I'm pretty darn sure it's the home brew that Mike makes. Alcohol goes straight to fat - doesn't get metabolized like other food. I can stop drinking it, but then he gets it all and I don't get any... Selfishness, that. Trying to tell myself that missing out on food isn't the end of the world.
      And I believe in you. Glad to know you joined Curves. I hear good things about it.